LOS ANGELES—Describing the experience as a significant letdown, local diner Eric Tidwell told reporters that the disappointing Buffalo Wild Wings franchise he visited Thursday night failed to live up to the scorn he had long heard about the restaurant.
HARTFORD, CT—Saying the incident had forced them to completely rethink their past decisions about the man’s coverage and how they would approach his policy from here on out, Aetna executives reported Thursday that the recent heart attack of longtime plan member Michael Burns was a real wake-up call for the 163-year-old insurance company.
IQUITOS, PERU—Saying he was trying not to think about how awful the next few days would be, master ayahuasca shaman Piero Salazar expressed his sense of dread Tuesday as he confirmed his week would once again be spent guiding American tech CEOs to spiritual oneness.
While massive superstores like Walmart and Target have dominated the retail landscape for years, many shoppers are rejecting them in favor of smaller, locally owned shops.
ANN ARBOR, MI—Giving customers the ability to keep tabs on their order through every step of the process, Domino’s Pizza announced Tuesday the release of a new app that lets users track the progress of their food as it moves through the human digestive system.
APPLETON, WI—Shaking his head Monday as the customer selected a length of plastic pipe over a stronger metal alternative and placed it into his shopping cart, local Home Depot sales associate Graham Warner, 57, was reportedly able to tell right away that this was the store patron’s first attempt at making a pipe bomb.
IRVING, TX—Addressing the world’s plant and animal life directly during a press event Friday, officials from Exxon Mobil vowed to bestow lenient treatment on any species that surrendered to the corporation voluntarily.
DAYTON, OH—Throwing the generally positive customer review section into a state of disarray, a contrarian Amazon user reportedly upended the critical consensus Monday by giving a set of three Sunland-brand .99 microfiber bath towels a one-star rating.
PURCHASE, NY—Touting the beverage’s refreshing citrus taste, tongue-tingling carbonation, and prescription-strength antimicrobial properties, Pepsi Co officials announced Wednesday that their newest product, Mountain Dew Code White, kills 99.9 percent of consumers’ stomach bacteria.
SPRINGDALE, AR—Responding to activists’ demands that they discontinue the use of cramped pens and give their poultry space to roam freely, executives at Tyson Foods moved quickly Tuesday to assure critics that their chickens are physically incapable of walking even if they had enough room to do so.